One wonders if the heads of the major U.S. banks are into masochism. If, in their darkest moments, they crave the hatred and vitriol of the public at large. Perhaps John Stumpf, the CEO of Wells Fargo, is hold up in a cheesy dive motel room, shirt off, fingers twisting his nipples harder and harder as the public disgust over the excesses of the insolvent banking industry are splashed across cable news, yelling, "HATE ME! HATE ME! SO GOOD! Now spit on me! Tell me I'm irresponsible! YES YES YES!"
This strange sexualized daydream is the only logical explanation I have left for the seemingly endless parade of stories about "Insert Bank Here" spending wild amounts of money with one hand as they beg for more taxpayer money with the other. Masochism, plain and simple. They want us to hate them.
Today's tale of Guilded Age excess and corporate cluelessness comes from Wells Fargo.
Wells Fargo you just accepted $25 Billion dollars in taxpayer funded bailout money, what are you going to do next?
WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! VEGAS!
From MSNBC:
WASHINGTON - Wells Fargo & Co., which received $25 billion in taxpayer bailout money, is planning a series of corporate junkets to Las Vegas casinos this month.
Wells Fargo, once among the nation’s top writers of subprime mortgages, has booked 12 nights at the Wynn Las Vegas and its sister hotel, the Encore Las Vegas beginning Friday, said Wynn spokeswoman Michelle Loosbrock. The hotels will host the annual conference for company’s top mortgage officers.
Yes, this is like a write your own Mad-Lib contest. Mortgage Brokers and Bankers, who have already lost tons of money and have driven our economy into a ditch, are going to the gambling mecca of the Western World. You have five minutes to write your own jokes... Starting now.
A former Wells Fargo employee, Debra Rickard, describes the debauchery of these annual getaways in breathless terms usually reserved for Sarah Palin discussing Quiznos:
"I was amazed with just how lavish it was," said Debra Rickard, a former Wells Fargo mortgage employee from Colorado who attended the events regularly until she left the company in 2004. "We stayed in top hotels, the entertainment was just unbelievable, and there were awards — you got plaques or trophies."
"Hey, Ted, what did you win?"
"Oh, I won a plaque thanking me for driving the U.S Economy into a ditch."
"Awesome!"
"What did you get, Bill?"
"I got this trophy in recognition of my efforts to bankrupt my own bank!"
"Wow! Let's go check out Crazy Horse Too!"
"I am so there!"
Unaware of irony, or the past events of say 2008, Wells Fargo spokesman Melissa Murray said with a straight face:
"Recognition events are still part of our culture,"
And so is gambling and losing on bad bets. So Wells Fargo and Las Vegas are really a perfect fit.
To channel Ben Affleck channeling Keith Olbermann I've got to ask of Wells Fargo, "HAVE YOU NO SHAME SIR!?" I'm not asking for much. I'm not asking for a loan. I'm not asking you to adjust a mortgage. I'm not asking you to cut your CEO's pay.
I'm just asking you to apply a teeny-tiny smidge -- just a smidge -- of common sense and not take taxpayer and then immediately go to FREAKING LAS VEGAS WITH IT!
Is this too much to ask?
Apparently.